"i just found out it was assembly schedule"

You expect too much of me. You think I have found love and here I will tell you the secret ingredient. but the truth is, I've lost love, and I never got a copy of the recipe.


Love is just the way I think I feel when I look at you.
Love is what I think I feel when you smile at my terrible jokes
I thought love was when I kissed you on the forehead and you dug further into my chest.
When I drove your car because you were scared of icy roads.
I thought it was going on that double with your stupid, trashy friends because it was important to you.

Or when I let you keep my sweatshirt for months, even though I only have two good ones.
I thought love was learning that song on the piano, because it was your favorite and you, for some reason, begged to hear me sing.

I guess I was scared because I think I meant it, but I'm not sure you did. and I thought you did. But you tossed it around like a dog does a bark. a ball in the park. stars in the dark.

and maybe i have it all backwards. Maybe when you find it, you're supposed to give it away. So everyone can know. So everyone can feel. But for me that was nails on a chalkboard. Married in the singles ward. Going into battle without a sword. A contestant who never wins awards. Sitting in English, BORED.

Maybe I wasn't ready to give it, or maybe I wasn't ready to buy into a useless lottery ticket. But I did. And it wrecked me like Miley on her ball. small spaces and being tall. leaves in the fall. waiting all night for no call.

I thought you felt it when we danced atop the asphalt in front of Zach's house, because neither of us were ready to leave each other for the night. I thought I felt it too.

I thought a lot of things about love, but I guess they were wrong, like 2 + 2 is three. Money grows on trees, BYUI let's you show your knees,Wrong like 'y' comes after 'z', and what I thought you thought of me.

"if I sleep now I won't sleep all night"

I've gotten in the habit of bashing you lately. and I'm sorry.

I just don't understand your reasoning sometimes and I'd like the world to agree with me.

When a break-up happens, everyone baby's the girl "Oh are you okay?" "How's it going?" "I'm so sorry"- I don't want you to be more of a victim  because I'm poisoning the atmosphere surrounding your name. I'm sorry I have nothing nice to say. I'm sorry, I don't know when I will. I'm sorry I let my temper get the best of me more than once in conversation.

An y'know? The more I trash it the more there isn't any room to come back. and 

 I want you to come back. 

I don't want anyone to think less of the orchestra that is your heart. I don't want my side stories spiraled with hate to ruin your allure. If this was Hollywood I'd have you black listed and I'd regret but there'd be no mend for the mess. Good thing this is just high school. Good thing no one's made a black list twitter account yet.

When we were little it didn't happen like this. 

Simplicity reigned. If someone was taking up too much room on the trampoline we'd both leave with clenched fists and crunched faces. But we'd realize quickly it was no fun to be alone. We'd all at once apologize. We'd go right back to the tramp and begin cracking the egg.

Missions and college and the social ladder didn't have any affect on relationships. 

And they didn't get in the way of friendships either.

So I don't know why they have to now.